It’s now 10:55am and as usual when I am alone at my place in SD, no breakfast yet because there’s no food nor drinks in the house, not spoken to anyone, not taken a shower yet, very hungry and still figuring out what to eat, where to go but laziness will rule out everything.
I am just too lazy to do anything; hunger is at its peak. I am doing this to keep my mind away from food. I dare not even watch the food channel! The last meal I had was McD Fried Chicken, large coke and large fries at 2:30pm yesterday!
My mind works overtime at times. I tried to sleep off this hunger but every time I closed my eyes, my mind went everywhere and slumber was furthest. Work, family and in the end money. Money… and the lacks of it. My Mak always said, no matter how much money you have, it will never be enough and the little money that you have, it’ll always be enough. I admire my mother for this and I wish I can have her wisdom and share her outlook on life. My selfless mother, who always put others first and herself last. My mother, who would never complaint no matter how bad we treated her. My father once said, we have never been nice to Mak. We raised our voice at her and we took her for granted all the time. Abah was right. Abah included. Poor Mak, although I realize that I sometimes, aaah, make that most of the times! took Mak for granted, raised my voice at her and sometimes threw sarcasm at her, I always hope that she knew that I did not mean all the things I said and that I love her very much. Well, when was the last time I told Mak that I love her… probably never! Things have got to change Maknjang!
Four months down the road, insyaAllah I will be heading home and live with my parents while looking for new employment. These are all Allah’s work. I have planned to retire at 50 and return home to Mak and Abah. That would be more than 6 years away. Never have I thought it’ll be sooner. Maybe 6 years later is too late? I dread at the thought.
After I left home to go to MRSM in 1979, the longest period that I have stayed home was in 1994 when I left KPJ, jobless in July and stayed until November that year before I returned to KL. I was at home for four months. I cannot recall what I did to kill time or how I was feeling being home that long. But then, during that time, my younger brothers were still very young, so I must have spent a lot of time with them. I was younger too and less of a worrier.
This time though, I hope my homecoming will be permanent, will be different. I am a lot older (although none the wiser), am so are my parents. I am happy but at the same time nervous. I do not want my presence at home to be a burden to my parents, heck! I was hoping to be joy! But, can I behave? Be the ever obliging daughter? At 44, will there still be tantrums of a spoiled brat! What if I did not get another job and ran out of money? Will my parents then be able to support me? Will I then really be a burden? Will they be ashamed of me when I am all out of money? What about my siblings? Now that I can no longer provide for Mak and Abah, will they take over? I know, I know, I have not reach the bridge yet, let’s cross it then. I have to have absolute faith in Allah swt. Just doa, usaha and tawakal. But once in a while, the syaitan whispers in your ears especially when you are alone and start seeding all these doubts in your head.
Yesterday, I heard this Syair on the radio and tears started streaming. Isn’t this just the most wonderful Syair ever written? Try reading this without shedding a single drop of tear, if you can.
Nazam Ibu dan Ayah by Professor Lim Swee Tin
Ibu mengandung sembilan bulan,
lebih dan kurang tak ditentukan
lahirkan dikau berapa kesakitan,
berpantang pula minum dan makan
cukuplah masa sampai ketika,
lahirlah engkau ke dalam dunia
barulah suka ibu dan bapa,
kepada engkau sangat kasihnya
harap ibumu bukan sedikit
tinggilah harap darinya bukit
lama ibumu merasa sakit
sembilan bulan tidak berbangkit
Setelah kamu sudah lah ada
siang dan malam ibumu jaga
tidur pun tidak barang seketika
makan dan minum tidak berasa
berapa lah dian dengannya tanglong
diangkat dituang lalu dibedung
sudahlah jaga lalu didukung
kasih dan sayang tidak tertanggung
tidak tertentu siang dan malam
bangun memangku didalam gelap
terkejut jaga ditengah malam
tidur pun tidak lekat ditilam
rela ibumu menanggung hutang
kain dan baju tidak dipandang
basah diampai kering dipinggang
tidur pun galas tidak berenggang
kenang ayahmu anak bangsawan
barang katanya jangan dilawan
ibu bapamu hubungan tuhan
baru sempurna anak budiman
hai segala anak nya adam
kasihnya ibu tiada sempadan
kasihnya ayah rela berkorban
badan dan nyawa jadi taruhan
Sob! Sob! Sob!
Okay, shower now and then go eat!
No comments:
Post a Comment