Overwhelmed!

That was an understatement.

I was in the state of speechlessness for a few days now.

It is true, it matters not what other people think of you, what matters most is how you see yourself. But sometimes knowing how people felt and looked at you and how you affect their lifes do warm the heart.

The thing is, despite me saying over and over again that I hate farewell dos, especially if I were to be in the center of it, I mean seriously, are you that happy to see me go that you have to celebrate it with a bang, seriously?.. the staffs still insisted on having one. What to do, takkan nak menghampakan peminat, I obliged but on a certain condition. I explained to the "organisers" of how I felt about this farewell thing and why I do not want it in the first place. I have to make them understand why I am leaving and I do not want to have to be in an awkward situation and I do not want them to face the consequences later. I know this company. I know the people in it. Just trust me on this.

It was going to be a surprise party to "raikan perpisahan" with Hajjah Maknjang. Again, I can't help but smile, I knew they did not meant it that way, but it still sounded funny. You have to agree with me. I was not trying to be cocky. Believe me, that was not what I was trying to do. If I came across that way, I truly apologise. I started suspecting that something is harbouring when people started asking whether I will be in the office on a certain date and time. Which I can't promise them that I will. Lucky for them, I came upfront and asked, because I was not in the office the day the surprise were to be held, otherwise they would the surprised ones!

The day was Thursday, 17 June 2010, the time 6:30pm and the place was D'Dusun Seafood, not far from the office. You understand why it is not held in the office, don't you?. I was expecting to just eat-eat and then bye-bye. I was preparing myself only for that. When I got there and saw the set-up, man!!! I should have prepared a speech and then words started playing in my brain and I was not concentrating on the whole do. It stated with the MC saying tributes to me complete with pantuns, I was truly amazed at the details they went through to throw me a great farewell.This is not something they decided to do on a spur of a moment thing. This is something well planned. The COO was called and said a few words about me and then handover farewell gifts to me, another surprise. What the COO said will be remembered for a long long time. I have never had anybody say anything nice to me, especially from the higher management. All these years, all I heard are just sarcasm, sadistic remarks and harsh words. When he said that there is one thing he truly admired about me and he should not have waited until the time I was leaving to say it.. my heart went boom, boom boom. I mean, how can this man, I mean if you know him, you would understand this, this guy who just keeps his cool, mind his own business all the time admire me, I mean even if it just for one thing. Seriously! This guy is so cool, water freezes around him, okay, that is how cool he is. I have never seen him lose his temper, ever and I have known him for more than 15 years. I, on the other hand, lost my tempers on an hourly basis. And yet he admire me for my "tenangness" comparing my tolerance level with his. He said he has never met anyone with a higher threshold of pain than him until he got to know me. He said he admires me for being so tenang in facing what came my way, may it be tremors, earthquakes or turbulences. hmmm... thank you THMA, you made my day, my year, even.

Doas were read and then tada! Hajjah Maknjang was called to say a few words. I do not know what I said but I am pretty sure its the thing I have always been saying to them all these years. Buat kerja dengan ikhlas and jangan gaduh-gaduh sesama sendiri. Do not envy others. Stay true to yourselves and make sure they earn a halal rezeki, this is my trademark speech, in every meetings and every gatherings. And just before makan, they surprised me with two birthday cakes. That is 14 days too early but, thank you! I think that would be the only birthday celebration I will be having this year, unless Mak plans some kenduri doa selamat for my homecoming.

Among the gifts was a card signed by the staffs and I got teary eyed when I read them. I never knew, despite my garangness, my mood swings, my tempers, my screamings, my cengeness; almost all the staffs thank me for the guidance and patience (?). Some even said that I inspire them, I wonder, in what way. Another staff told me that I am her idol. Aduss! Sedeh banget nih!

I am not sure how many people from the office read this blog but I would like to thank all of them for an evening I will treasure for the rest of my life. I apologise for not thanking them properly that night and truly, truly appreciate what they have done for me. As for the gifts, I shall wear them on Eid Mubarak, insyaAllah. They were so pretty. You should not have gone through so much trouble. Yang berusaha, Mass, SQ, Tina, Ikin and the rests, again, thank you very very much. I hope our ukhwah will last a lifetime and not end here.

p/s the Indonesian workers are yet to say goodbye to me. They have been asking Shila for a time to come and see me and I have been playing hide-and-seek so far. I cannot push this away, I know. I have to face them and I am pretty sure there will be major meltdowns! Tissues please......