A couple of days ago, I had an extra long lunch with a friend from way back when. The last time I met her was in Feb 2009 when she visited me in the hospital. Back when I had fibroids removed.
We seldom contacted each other, in fact I think from Feb 2009 to Jan 2013, we only made contact via sms at most 4 times!!
She had also left full time employment about a year ago. We shared a few things in common that way.
Then she asked me, so how are you really? To that, my answer was quite spontaneous. I said, I am very happy right now, Alhamdulillah. I could do better in the health department but otherwise, I am happy. I realised I no longer had to think of what to say when people ask me how am I, these days. The truth is at the moment I am the happiest as I have ever been. I cannot recollect being happier and more contented.
I realised I do not need much to feel this way. Long time ago, I thought you could only be happy and contented when you have all the things you wanted, dream job, huge income, big cars, big house, a husband and a couple or more children. You definitely have to have bank, that's what I thought. I cannot be more wrong. Look at me today, I live with my parents with meager income which I do not know whether it will stop coming the next month or the month after. I am driving the smallest and cheapest car ever! And yet I feel so free and so blessed... owh what a feeling! Thank you Allah!
The best part of it is that I now no longer yearn for things I cannot afford. I have very little needs and my wants are very few and very far in between and I am okay if I do not have them. Thank you Allah!.
May we all be in Allah's care forever and ever.
p/s, happy birthday to my bffs, Mazmin and Rohana. May our friendship never come apart.
Showing posts with label meraban. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meraban. Show all posts
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Of Growing Older
Blogging ni memang berhantu, once you have started writing, mulalah asyik duk ingat nak write.
Tadi saya melepak di rumah Roha, kebetulan a few of her mengaji friends also dropped by for a chit chat. Mereka bercerita mengenai seorang kawan sama-sama mengaji that went for an eyelid operation, face injection, and I do not know what procedure its called but a procedure to ease away wrinkles on your face using threads?. I sat there wondering. On one hand, they went for mengaji, fardu ain, feqah and AlQuran, while on the other.... hmmmmm. All the ladies were older than us.
I do not believe in looking younger than you are, dressing younger than your age etc. If you are 50, to me, you should look 50, not 25. Alhamdulillah if Allah swt blesses you with a youthful appearance. If not, so be it. You cannot stop getting older, sudah hukum Allah, yang muda pasti akan menjadi tua. Dan bila semakin tua, kedut lah di sini sana.
Orang selalu berkata, biar tua asal hati muda, orang sungai baru kata young at heart... again I beg to differ. Kenapa kita mesti berhati seperti berusia 25 jika kita sudah lanjut usia. Bagi saya, lebih elok kita mempunyai hati seperti 46 tahun and we behave like a 46 yo should, when we are 46... bila kita sedar kita semakin tua sudah tentu kita sedar bahawa mati itu semakin dekat.
Entahlah,
Maknjang.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Venting
To keep sanity intact, I have to do this. No one understand what I am so mad about. No one.
If you have sacrificed so much, jimat cermat, kerja like mad in order for you to save for something which you know will be for the benefit of a lot of people you love, and you bought it and you were so happy your dream came true and suddenly you realised, you sayang lahkan benda yang you dah beli tu, but the people who benefited from it just took it for granted. Sikit pon tak sayang. Sikit pon tak hormat. Sikit pon tak appreciate.
Just for instance, you were earning only so much and half of your income you gave to your parent for the car and makan minum, utilities etc etc. You never questioned how the money were spent. And you are not about to question now. Like I said, you were only earning so much, half of it were given to your father, the other half were used to pay for your house rent, your own utilities expenses etc. You hardly spend on yourself, save for a few makan2 luar occasions and tengok2 wayang. You spend most of your half of the money to pay for the rent, study loan, electricity and water and on your younger siblings, nephews and nieces.
And then the family grew, when balik kampung you realised the house were just too small so you started thinking of buying a bigger house. A corner lot house became available and you bought it. You just added a housing loan repayment to you small income. By then you have had some increment in your pay and you had almost fully paid the study loan. So you were fine. But the house you bought were not liveable, the condition were just too bad, so you started thinking of renovating it. You started saving and tighten your own belt, living other people depending on you unaffected at all. Nobody knew how you managed you money and nobody cared. If someone want a new shoes, you bought it, new baju, baju raya, whatever, you continue to provide. Like I said, no one was affected by your decision to jimat cermat, only you. Because you do not want to worry them about money issues, you continue to give and give and give and you ended up with a very huge credit card bills. Once in a while you received a bonus, and you use that bonus to settle all the credit card debts. Rezeki Allah has it, you received a huge bonus one year and your savings have accumulated, so you started the renovation project. RM80k was budgetted, that's how much you have, but they wanted to add this and that and you akur because you just do not have the heart to say no, the total cost accumulated to RM150k. So you had a few months of sleepless nights trying to figure out how to come up with the difference, you have already exhausted you RM30k credit limit on your credit cards. Nobody knew about this. So you tebalkan your face and faced your boss. No, not to ask for a loan but to ask him to guarantee you on a loan, he agreed and you malu sampai berbulan bulan because he is the kind of person who will ungkit,"make sure you pay on time.. bla bla bla..." You have just added another RM1,700 commitment to your already almost committed income. And your own belt get tightened further. And you also have the credit card bills to see to. You live on money worry for a very very long time. No one knew and no one cared. As long as they continue to get things they wanted and needed.
Pendek cerita the house was completed although not up to the standard you expected for the amount of money you paid. Bumbung bocor and still cannot be fixed until now. But did anyone care? No! They continue to stay in that condition until the ceiling all rosak. When you balik and you cannot stand it anymore, and when you have money, you give money and asked the bumbung to be fixed. They said they did, tapi still bocor.
The house was like a rubbish dump. Everyone used the house as a dumping ground. Apa tak mau, semua sent to the house. And being hoarders, nothing can be thrown way. Your eyes were sore everytime you balik kampung but you did not say anything, you just screamed to the nephews and brothers a few times but fell on deaf ears. They never clean the house so you have to pay for cleaners to clean up their mess. You have to do it, because you just tak tahan. You have your own room but when you are not around, they dumped everything in it and they just use your toilet as they pleased. Not bothered to throw used pampers, not bothered to clean it up. You just do not understand how these people can live like this. You cannot fathom how you can be related to them!!!
You just guess because its not their hard work that went into the house and the things in it, sampai bila pon they will never appreciate it. So your heart ache, and it will continue to ache.
So now, you are wondering, how can you adapt to this situation. How can you live in a condition like this. You just cannot be screaming everyday, you will just continue to hurt your parents feeling. Its not good for the blood pressure too.
Dang! its only my first week home!!!!!
If you have sacrificed so much, jimat cermat, kerja like mad in order for you to save for something which you know will be for the benefit of a lot of people you love, and you bought it and you were so happy your dream came true and suddenly you realised, you sayang lahkan benda yang you dah beli tu, but the people who benefited from it just took it for granted. Sikit pon tak sayang. Sikit pon tak hormat. Sikit pon tak appreciate.
Just for instance, you were earning only so much and half of your income you gave to your parent for the car and makan minum, utilities etc etc. You never questioned how the money were spent. And you are not about to question now. Like I said, you were only earning so much, half of it were given to your father, the other half were used to pay for your house rent, your own utilities expenses etc. You hardly spend on yourself, save for a few makan2 luar occasions and tengok2 wayang. You spend most of your half of the money to pay for the rent, study loan, electricity and water and on your younger siblings, nephews and nieces.
And then the family grew, when balik kampung you realised the house were just too small so you started thinking of buying a bigger house. A corner lot house became available and you bought it. You just added a housing loan repayment to you small income. By then you have had some increment in your pay and you had almost fully paid the study loan. So you were fine. But the house you bought were not liveable, the condition were just too bad, so you started thinking of renovating it. You started saving and tighten your own belt, living other people depending on you unaffected at all. Nobody knew how you managed you money and nobody cared. If someone want a new shoes, you bought it, new baju, baju raya, whatever, you continue to provide. Like I said, no one was affected by your decision to jimat cermat, only you. Because you do not want to worry them about money issues, you continue to give and give and give and you ended up with a very huge credit card bills. Once in a while you received a bonus, and you use that bonus to settle all the credit card debts. Rezeki Allah has it, you received a huge bonus one year and your savings have accumulated, so you started the renovation project. RM80k was budgetted, that's how much you have, but they wanted to add this and that and you akur because you just do not have the heart to say no, the total cost accumulated to RM150k. So you had a few months of sleepless nights trying to figure out how to come up with the difference, you have already exhausted you RM30k credit limit on your credit cards. Nobody knew about this. So you tebalkan your face and faced your boss. No, not to ask for a loan but to ask him to guarantee you on a loan, he agreed and you malu sampai berbulan bulan because he is the kind of person who will ungkit,"make sure you pay on time.. bla bla bla..." You have just added another RM1,700 commitment to your already almost committed income. And your own belt get tightened further. And you also have the credit card bills to see to. You live on money worry for a very very long time. No one knew and no one cared. As long as they continue to get things they wanted and needed.
Pendek cerita the house was completed although not up to the standard you expected for the amount of money you paid. Bumbung bocor and still cannot be fixed until now. But did anyone care? No! They continue to stay in that condition until the ceiling all rosak. When you balik and you cannot stand it anymore, and when you have money, you give money and asked the bumbung to be fixed. They said they did, tapi still bocor.
The house was like a rubbish dump. Everyone used the house as a dumping ground. Apa tak mau, semua sent to the house. And being hoarders, nothing can be thrown way. Your eyes were sore everytime you balik kampung but you did not say anything, you just screamed to the nephews and brothers a few times but fell on deaf ears. They never clean the house so you have to pay for cleaners to clean up their mess. You have to do it, because you just tak tahan. You have your own room but when you are not around, they dumped everything in it and they just use your toilet as they pleased. Not bothered to throw used pampers, not bothered to clean it up. You just do not understand how these people can live like this. You cannot fathom how you can be related to them!!!
You just guess because its not their hard work that went into the house and the things in it, sampai bila pon they will never appreciate it. So your heart ache, and it will continue to ache.
So now, you are wondering, how can you adapt to this situation. How can you live in a condition like this. You just cannot be screaming everyday, you will just continue to hurt your parents feeling. Its not good for the blood pressure too.
Dang! its only my first week home!!!!!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
iPhone i
I finally succumbed to it. Just cannot help it anymore. The minute I received the sms from Maxis about the promo, I kept thinking about getting one. It actually started when abah and mak came over in June. I saw abah belekkiing the sister's iPhone and I can sensed that he liked it. I was thinking of ways to afford buying one for abah but I ended up buying one for me... hmmmm.... tunggulah balik AS nanti, kalau abah nampak cam teringin saja, kena beli lah jugak kat dia..
Therefore I am now a proud owner of an iPhone 3G (s) 16 GB... which I shall now call it as iPhonei...
I told Min about my new purchase and we got to chatting about the hp that we have had over the years. The first time I ever get to use a mobile phone was during the Hospital era. I was sometimes on call, bukan doctor pon, tapi on call jugak, so the Hospital provided me with a pager... in those days, ada pager pon tak cool ya amat. Later, when pager was not effective, and mobile phone became more mobile (who remembers the one that you have to carry like a briefcase, yang beteri dia as big as a car beteri tu????)... the Hospital bought a motorola set.. the size is about the same as the long envelope, 4x9 and as thick as a ream of A4 paper. The numbers on the screen (which you can only see the number you dialled, no texting, no CLIP available then) were red.. this is before it became green. That mobile phone was a pool phone, so whoever is on call have to carry that thing home. I have to put it in a tote bag and it was heavy, I tell you!!! Those days, I travel by bus, Len Seng bus to be precise and when the bus reached the Hospital, from the city centre, it will be full and chances were, I will have to stand all the way to Ayer Panas where I was staying. If the phone rang on the bus.... very the embarassing, I tell you... I would just pretended that I did not hear anything. Once it rang and rang and rang and I just cannot ignored it anymore, I have to answer it. All the passengers eyes were on me the whole time I was talking and I have to scream at the phone because the person on the other end cannot hear me properly, signal was an issue then... it was not COOL AT ALL!!! malu ya amat!!!! Yes, in those days, bawak handphone malu kat orang.. macam penting sangatlah sampai tak sempat nak tunggu sampai rumah...
20 years to now, look at how technology have evolved.... after that red screened phone, when I joined my last employment, I bought my own mobile phone. During that time, it was cool to have one. Everybody who is somebody (or at least thought that he/she is one, would own one). I bought it just because I was staying alone and I was already driving in KL and most of the time, alone. So my justification then, kalau jadi apa-apa, senang nak contact orang. The phone cost me RM1,030 when I was only earning RM3,300 per month!!!. But those days, we only switched the phone on only when we needed to use it kan. Sampai rumah, off, sampai office, off. Mobile phones can only be used for calls, still no texting and the screen was either green or black. The size of that phone???.. lets put it this way "kalau baling anjing, mati anjing tu!". And then everybody went crazy for a small phone... the smaller you hand set is, the cooler you are. But now, size does not matter.. its the functionality, the more functional, the better. I think size still matters but only in its capacity, not the physical size. It would not be so cool be seen using the phone the same size as the iPhone back in 2000.... not cool at all!!
Therefore I am now a proud owner of an iPhone 3G (s) 16 GB... which I shall now call it as iPhonei...
I told Min about my new purchase and we got to chatting about the hp that we have had over the years. The first time I ever get to use a mobile phone was during the Hospital era. I was sometimes on call, bukan doctor pon, tapi on call jugak, so the Hospital provided me with a pager... in those days, ada pager pon tak cool ya amat. Later, when pager was not effective, and mobile phone became more mobile (who remembers the one that you have to carry like a briefcase, yang beteri dia as big as a car beteri tu????)... the Hospital bought a motorola set.. the size is about the same as the long envelope, 4x9 and as thick as a ream of A4 paper. The numbers on the screen (which you can only see the number you dialled, no texting, no CLIP available then) were red.. this is before it became green. That mobile phone was a pool phone, so whoever is on call have to carry that thing home. I have to put it in a tote bag and it was heavy, I tell you!!! Those days, I travel by bus, Len Seng bus to be precise and when the bus reached the Hospital, from the city centre, it will be full and chances were, I will have to stand all the way to Ayer Panas where I was staying. If the phone rang on the bus.... very the embarassing, I tell you... I would just pretended that I did not hear anything. Once it rang and rang and rang and I just cannot ignored it anymore, I have to answer it. All the passengers eyes were on me the whole time I was talking and I have to scream at the phone because the person on the other end cannot hear me properly, signal was an issue then... it was not COOL AT ALL!!! malu ya amat!!!! Yes, in those days, bawak handphone malu kat orang.. macam penting sangatlah sampai tak sempat nak tunggu sampai rumah...
20 years to now, look at how technology have evolved.... after that red screened phone, when I joined my last employment, I bought my own mobile phone. During that time, it was cool to have one. Everybody who is somebody (or at least thought that he/she is one, would own one). I bought it just because I was staying alone and I was already driving in KL and most of the time, alone. So my justification then, kalau jadi apa-apa, senang nak contact orang. The phone cost me RM1,030 when I was only earning RM3,300 per month!!!. But those days, we only switched the phone on only when we needed to use it kan. Sampai rumah, off, sampai office, off. Mobile phones can only be used for calls, still no texting and the screen was either green or black. The size of that phone???.. lets put it this way "kalau baling anjing, mati anjing tu!". And then everybody went crazy for a small phone... the smaller you hand set is, the cooler you are. But now, size does not matter.. its the functionality, the more functional, the better. I think size still matters but only in its capacity, not the physical size. It would not be so cool be seen using the phone the same size as the iPhone back in 2000.... not cool at all!!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Telephone conversation
(bla bla bla bla... the line got cut off)
where are you?
I'm in EG
where is that?
SJ
Owh, you're in town, why didn't you tell me you are in town.
(speechless.. because she did not see any reason why she should)
bla bla bla bla
.... they want to see you on Tuesday at 2:30pm
in their office?
In our office.
Your office, not mine.
(quiet.. he cannot think of an appropriate answer, she guessed)
where are you?
I'm in EG
where is that?
SJ
Owh, you're in town, why didn't you tell me you are in town.
(speechless.. because she did not see any reason why she should)
bla bla bla bla
.... they want to see you on Tuesday at 2:30pm
in their office?
In our office.
Your office, not mine.
(quiet.. he cannot think of an appropriate answer, she guessed)
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Of Blocked Nose and Laziness
Yes, you guessed it right. Its Tuesday again!
I woke up this morning with both nostrils blocked. I can't breath normally, only via the mouth and that makes the lips so dry. Haih!
Make myself breakfast of egg and white bread and then off to the office. Driving was a torture as I felt so sleepy and breathless all at the same time. Alhamdulillah, I reached the office about an hour later and just dropped on the sofa and went to sleep straightaway.
Felt better later and then laziness hit me!.. since this morning all I did is just browsing the net, play bejeweled blitz and chat with whoever that wants to chat with me ... that's all.
Truthfully, I cannot afford laziness right now. Time is too tight. I have a long list to complete before I leave this job. I want to write some more... but I am just too lazy to do so.
So, till next Tuesday unless I got rajin before that.
I woke up this morning with both nostrils blocked. I can't breath normally, only via the mouth and that makes the lips so dry. Haih!
Make myself breakfast of egg and white bread and then off to the office. Driving was a torture as I felt so sleepy and breathless all at the same time. Alhamdulillah, I reached the office about an hour later and just dropped on the sofa and went to sleep straightaway.
Felt better later and then laziness hit me!.. since this morning all I did is just browsing the net, play bejeweled blitz and chat with whoever that wants to chat with me ... that's all.
Truthfully, I cannot afford laziness right now. Time is too tight. I have a long list to complete before I leave this job. I want to write some more... but I am just too lazy to do so.
So, till next Tuesday unless I got rajin before that.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Another Goodbye
April 2000 was when it started. He was talked into reviving the equestrian event and he succumbed to it. I got myself pulled into it halfway into the project when they started talking about money. When I saw her the first time, I knew why. No need to put in the details as it may falls into the "fitnah" category. But yes, we knew why.
With zero experience in horses let alone organising an event of one, I was suddenly in the middle of it all having to man the Secretariat. Only Salwa and I struggling like mad women, we were. We hardly eat nor sleep that whole week. I remembered the both of us doing the prize money until 3am and have to be at the venue at 6am. The secretariat were located away from where the event were held and there was no food at all where we were. We can't leave the Secretariat because of the stream of people coming and going, so we ended up not eating! The first time we held the event, we did not even had the chance to see any showjumping or have the slightest idea of what dressage was all about. What we did all day was, looking for staplers, pen, pencil, papers, strings, give out money to buy this and that, give away prize money, photostate this and that and attend to inquiries of things we hardly knew about but somehow we sailed through!
That same year in September, we held the second event, this time more people were involved and at least now we knew what to prepare so it got less chaotic but this time we had more participation, so there we went again, no sleep, no eat... working like mad women!
From then till now, we have had more than 10 similar events already and every year we improvise until it came to a stage that we were already on autopilot. Just push the on button and we knew what to. I was in charge of the whole operations (or at least, I think so!) until 2 years ago... but I was still doing all the more important things, while others take the credits, but I don't mind.. I really do not mind. I did not do this for the glory of it, I just did it because I have to do it. Part of my job.
The event is going on right now, here where I work. But this time, I am not involved at all. I feel kind of sad as I was one of the pioneer. But what to do, ayam makan, itik sudu... They felt that have learned enough and they can do better than I ever was, who needs an old hag anymore, anyway?
I am leaving in a few minutes and I am not coming tomorrow... So long, farewell its time to say good bye... adieu adieu....
With zero experience in horses let alone organising an event of one, I was suddenly in the middle of it all having to man the Secretariat. Only Salwa and I struggling like mad women, we were. We hardly eat nor sleep that whole week. I remembered the both of us doing the prize money until 3am and have to be at the venue at 6am. The secretariat were located away from where the event were held and there was no food at all where we were. We can't leave the Secretariat because of the stream of people coming and going, so we ended up not eating! The first time we held the event, we did not even had the chance to see any showjumping or have the slightest idea of what dressage was all about. What we did all day was, looking for staplers, pen, pencil, papers, strings, give out money to buy this and that, give away prize money, photostate this and that and attend to inquiries of things we hardly knew about but somehow we sailed through!
That same year in September, we held the second event, this time more people were involved and at least now we knew what to prepare so it got less chaotic but this time we had more participation, so there we went again, no sleep, no eat... working like mad women!
From then till now, we have had more than 10 similar events already and every year we improvise until it came to a stage that we were already on autopilot. Just push the on button and we knew what to. I was in charge of the whole operations (or at least, I think so!) until 2 years ago... but I was still doing all the more important things, while others take the credits, but I don't mind.. I really do not mind. I did not do this for the glory of it, I just did it because I have to do it. Part of my job.
The event is going on right now, here where I work. But this time, I am not involved at all. I feel kind of sad as I was one of the pioneer. But what to do, ayam makan, itik sudu... They felt that have learned enough and they can do better than I ever was, who needs an old hag anymore, anyway?
I am leaving in a few minutes and I am not coming tomorrow... So long, farewell its time to say good bye... adieu adieu....
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Happy Days
Mak, Abah and the youngest brother are in town. They are here because we have not been home since early January! Its quite complicated really but anyhow, things are looking better. Happy days ahead.
I have not a slightest idea of what to write today so I will just go along with what comes to mind. I am listening to Barbara Streisand and Barry Gibb's What Kind of Fool. Its not a song one would remember unless they went to MRSM Kulim from 1979 to 1983 and has a teacher named Rosemary Lovely who taught them English. In the english lab, other than listening The War of the World narrated by Richard Burton, we would be listening to this song. Yes, 15 years old (which is so not the same as 15 years old nowadays) and was asked to elaborate the meaning to this lyrics :-
Barbara Streisand & Barry Gibb - What Kind of Fool
There was a time when we were down and out
There was a place when we were starting over
We let the vow break
we let the heartache in
Who's sorry now?
There was a world when we were standing still
And for a moment we were separated
And then you found her
you let the stranger in
Who's sorry now
who's sorry now?
What, what kind of fool tears it apart
Leaving me pain and sorrow
Losin' you now
Wondering why.
Where will I be tomorrow?
There was a time when we were down and out.
There was a place when we were starting over.
We let the vow break
we let the heartache in
Who's sorry now
who's sorry now?
What, what kind of fool tears it apart
Leaving me pain and sorrow
Losin' you now.
How can I win
Were will I be tomorrow?
Was there a moment
when I cut you down
Played around.
What have I done
I only apologize for being as they say
The last to know
It has to show when
someone is in your eyes.
What, what kind of fool tears it apart
Leaving me pain and sorrow
Losin' you now
Wondering why.
Where will I be tomorrow?
Back then, there was no internet so there is no way we could google for the lyrics, what we did was to play the song over and over and over again. Sampai chemuih!
Lately, at the office, Shila and I are into karau-ing as in karau-okay, but the not so okay version. I'd be the deejay and accepting requests. We would be singing to songs from Lady Gaga, Adam Lambert, Boyz II Men, Kool and the Gang, Michael Buble, Michael Jackson and many more.. any genre, old and new. If we don't know the lyrics, its either hentam sajalah or we would google them. Fun eh? Yesterday however was dedicated to Mami who has recently returned to work after a long MC. So hindi songs it was. Not the current hits though, we don't know any new hindi songs but we went back to the Yaadon Ki Bharat, Bobby, Aa Gale Lag Ja's era. Mami can sing them all!!!! I am currently googling for the John Jonny Jonathan tar ra ram taram taram's video and lyrics.. he he he.. Found it! Wanted to post it here, unfortunately EMBED IS DISABLED!
We are thinking that today is Mayumi Itsuwa's day... so I better get googling fast. The deejay has to be prepared. I still have not found the song we used in our Bushido Blade way back when, during the Drama fest; the Theta girls won Best Script for it! If only I can have a copy of the script.... who has it now?... it started with.. What's the uproar all about? Memories....
Ta for now... Mayumi Itsuwa!
I have not a slightest idea of what to write today so I will just go along with what comes to mind. I am listening to Barbara Streisand and Barry Gibb's What Kind of Fool. Its not a song one would remember unless they went to MRSM Kulim from 1979 to 1983 and has a teacher named Rosemary Lovely who taught them English. In the english lab, other than listening The War of the World narrated by Richard Burton, we would be listening to this song. Yes, 15 years old (which is so not the same as 15 years old nowadays) and was asked to elaborate the meaning to this lyrics :-
Barbara Streisand & Barry Gibb - What Kind of Fool
There was a time when we were down and out
There was a place when we were starting over
We let the vow break
we let the heartache in
Who's sorry now?
There was a world when we were standing still
And for a moment we were separated
And then you found her
you let the stranger in
Who's sorry now
who's sorry now?
What, what kind of fool tears it apart
Leaving me pain and sorrow
Losin' you now
Wondering why.
Where will I be tomorrow?
There was a time when we were down and out.
There was a place when we were starting over.
We let the vow break
we let the heartache in
Who's sorry now
who's sorry now?
What, what kind of fool tears it apart
Leaving me pain and sorrow
Losin' you now.
How can I win
Were will I be tomorrow?
Was there a moment
when I cut you down
Played around.
What have I done
I only apologize for being as they say
The last to know
It has to show when
someone is in your eyes.
What, what kind of fool tears it apart
Leaving me pain and sorrow
Losin' you now
Wondering why.
Where will I be tomorrow?
Back then, there was no internet so there is no way we could google for the lyrics, what we did was to play the song over and over and over again. Sampai chemuih!
Lately, at the office, Shila and I are into karau-ing as in karau-okay, but the not so okay version. I'd be the deejay and accepting requests. We would be singing to songs from Lady Gaga, Adam Lambert, Boyz II Men, Kool and the Gang, Michael Buble, Michael Jackson and many more.. any genre, old and new. If we don't know the lyrics, its either hentam sajalah or we would google them. Fun eh? Yesterday however was dedicated to Mami who has recently returned to work after a long MC. So hindi songs it was. Not the current hits though, we don't know any new hindi songs but we went back to the Yaadon Ki Bharat, Bobby, Aa Gale Lag Ja's era. Mami can sing them all!!!! I am currently googling for the John Jonny Jonathan tar ra ram taram taram's video and lyrics.. he he he.. Found it! Wanted to post it here, unfortunately EMBED IS DISABLED!
We are thinking that today is Mayumi Itsuwa's day... so I better get googling fast. The deejay has to be prepared. I still have not found the song we used in our Bushido Blade way back when, during the Drama fest; the Theta girls won Best Script for it! If only I can have a copy of the script.... who has it now?... it started with.. What's the uproar all about? Memories....
Ta for now... Mayumi Itsuwa!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Balancing Act
Accounting 101 anyone? was going to be the title of this post.
Ever since the reorganisation at the office and me leaving soon, I only have 3 staffs under me, yes you read it right, 3, t-h-r-e-e, tiga, rendek, tres..., anyways, with just 3 staffs, year end closing and the horse event coming up, I have to do a lot of things on my own. One of the thing is to prepare the account for the ASSociation. The last 3 days were spent doing the accounts from scratch, manually!, thus, the reason why there was no entry yesterday despite it being a Tuesday (like, who cares again?).
It was an experience, no less. I forgot how it felt (exhilarating, in fact) trying to assign what code to which transaction and in the end trying to balance all things up. When all things added up beautifully and balanced out nicely, oh boy!!! What a feeling, what a great feeling.
Which brings me to another issue on hand. I was filling an application form for a job up north and stop short at the question, WHAT MOTIVATES YOU. I was at a total lost... How can I not know what motivates me... maybe because I have not felt motivated for a long long time. I have been thinking about this for days now.
And then today we received news that the mother of a friend, passed away, Al Fatihah.
So how did the first bring me to the second and the third brings me back to the first. Confused much? Well, me too. This is all Allah's work. Things don't just happen, they happen for a reason.
1. I really want that job, its the kind of job I have been dreaming of.
2. The answer to the question WHAT MOTIVATES YOU will determine whether or not the application will be considered, that's why I want to be very careful with my answer.
3. I have to keep reminding myself why I want to move back home, I know why I am leaving my job, but why balik kampung, well that news we received today is crystal clear, if you catch my drift.
Because when I was doing all the numbers, I get excited like a kid at Christmas, I remember now what motivates me. Numbers, yes them numbers. I like playing with them. Solve problems with them. Forecast the future with them. Apply them. I can now answer that question truthfully. Now all I have to think about is what demotivates me, I know the answer to this, but I need to put them into words. I may need my sister's assistance on this. I really want a chance to be considered. Rezeki di tangan Allah, so as long as I have put in my best effort, all I have to do is doa and tawakal and leave everything to Allah swt.
Its midnight.. and I am sleepy. Reading back what I wrote, I realised I was not coherent, but who cares, its my blog, I can write whatever I want.
I still have one question though before I lay down by Abang Ayis side (please sing this to Kool and the gang's Cherish.. what am I meraban-ing ni?); okay that one question. How come its all quiet about what and why is the 15 year old doing driving a car at 2 in the morning?
Ever since the reorganisation at the office and me leaving soon, I only have 3 staffs under me, yes you read it right, 3, t-h-r-e-e, tiga, rendek, tres..., anyways, with just 3 staffs, year end closing and the horse event coming up, I have to do a lot of things on my own. One of the thing is to prepare the account for the ASSociation. The last 3 days were spent doing the accounts from scratch, manually!, thus, the reason why there was no entry yesterday despite it being a Tuesday (like, who cares again?).
It was an experience, no less. I forgot how it felt (exhilarating, in fact) trying to assign what code to which transaction and in the end trying to balance all things up. When all things added up beautifully and balanced out nicely, oh boy!!! What a feeling, what a great feeling.
Which brings me to another issue on hand. I was filling an application form for a job up north and stop short at the question, WHAT MOTIVATES YOU. I was at a total lost... How can I not know what motivates me... maybe because I have not felt motivated for a long long time. I have been thinking about this for days now.
And then today we received news that the mother of a friend, passed away, Al Fatihah.
So how did the first bring me to the second and the third brings me back to the first. Confused much? Well, me too. This is all Allah's work. Things don't just happen, they happen for a reason.
1. I really want that job, its the kind of job I have been dreaming of.
2. The answer to the question WHAT MOTIVATES YOU will determine whether or not the application will be considered, that's why I want to be very careful with my answer.
3. I have to keep reminding myself why I want to move back home, I know why I am leaving my job, but why balik kampung, well that news we received today is crystal clear, if you catch my drift.
Because when I was doing all the numbers, I get excited like a kid at Christmas, I remember now what motivates me. Numbers, yes them numbers. I like playing with them. Solve problems with them. Forecast the future with them. Apply them. I can now answer that question truthfully. Now all I have to think about is what demotivates me, I know the answer to this, but I need to put them into words. I may need my sister's assistance on this. I really want a chance to be considered. Rezeki di tangan Allah, so as long as I have put in my best effort, all I have to do is doa and tawakal and leave everything to Allah swt.
Its midnight.. and I am sleepy. Reading back what I wrote, I realised I was not coherent, but who cares, its my blog, I can write whatever I want.
I still have one question though before I lay down by Abang Ayis side (please sing this to Kool and the gang's Cherish.. what am I meraban-ing ni?); okay that one question. How come its all quiet about what and why is the 15 year old doing driving a car at 2 in the morning?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Its Tuesday again, really?
A week has passed since I last put an entry.. hmmm...
Its raining outside and I am listening Feliciano's Listen to the Falling Rain, how appropriate!
The excitement over the Kiulu's weekend took a while to subside and I still felt some left over feelings. Killers are now planning to conquer Mount Kinabalu, a year from now. Plans are being chartered, visa applications are being filed (visa is not an issue for Maknjang, but a year from now, will I have the dough to do so?). Allah's willing, I will join this trip as well although conquering the Mountain is way, wayyy, wayyy.... beyond my ability. I told them, I may need to lose at least 30 kg to do so. Haih! I shall kid you not, climb the Mountain, I sure cannot! You have to be super fit! But if money and time permit, insyaAllah I will be there to see them off and receive them later, the climbers, I mean. I'll even head the cheerleading team! I like the idea to make this into a charity event as well and be part of the Journey to Legacy thing. I wish I can do lot more to help but unfortunately I am not good at things like this. But if my help is needed, I will be more than willing to lend a hand or two.
I still cannot believe that after more than 30 years, the bond between us are still strong. In fact I think it is stronger now than ever, more than even when we were in the same classroom. I supposed it is true, at our age we can no longer make new friends, so we hold on tight to the ones we have. I am so thankful that the killers boys and girls came to my life.
Okaylah, till next entry.. I bade you good night and enjoy the song... layan....
Its raining outside and I am listening Feliciano's Listen to the Falling Rain, how appropriate!
The excitement over the Kiulu's weekend took a while to subside and I still felt some left over feelings. Killers are now planning to conquer Mount Kinabalu, a year from now. Plans are being chartered, visa applications are being filed (visa is not an issue for Maknjang, but a year from now, will I have the dough to do so?). Allah's willing, I will join this trip as well although conquering the Mountain is way, wayyy, wayyy.... beyond my ability. I told them, I may need to lose at least 30 kg to do so. Haih! I shall kid you not, climb the Mountain, I sure cannot! You have to be super fit! But if money and time permit, insyaAllah I will be there to see them off and receive them later, the climbers, I mean. I'll even head the cheerleading team! I like the idea to make this into a charity event as well and be part of the Journey to Legacy thing. I wish I can do lot more to help but unfortunately I am not good at things like this. But if my help is needed, I will be more than willing to lend a hand or two.
I still cannot believe that after more than 30 years, the bond between us are still strong. In fact I think it is stronger now than ever, more than even when we were in the same classroom. I supposed it is true, at our age we can no longer make new friends, so we hold on tight to the ones we have. I am so thankful that the killers boys and girls came to my life.
Okaylah, till next entry.. I bade you good night and enjoy the song... layan....
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Alhamdulillah
Hari ni nak berbahasa percakapan lah pulak... boleh?
Actually Maknjang do not want to talk about it anymore. I have made up my mind, so I figured, I will just move on. Let it be.
Akan tetapi, setiap hari, ada sahaja sesuatu yang berlaku yang akan menyebabkan Maknjang berasa amat bersyukur yang Maknjang telah membuat keputusan untuk berhenti ni. Macam-macam tohmahan dan tuduhan dibuat pada Maknjang, tapi Maknjang okay saja, biasalah, asam garam kehidupan. Biasa pon manusia memang macam tu, bila kita suka seseorang kan, kita tak akan nampak kelemahan dia kan, sebab suka kita pada dia akan membuatkan kita tidak apa dengan segala kelemahan-kelemahan tersebut. Sebab dah suka kan. Bila kita mula tak suka pada seseorang, apa tah lagi bila kita membenci, segala kebaikan orang itu kita tak nampak dah, yang kita nampak cuma kelemahan dia saja. Macam tu keadaan Maknjang sekarang ni.
Sejak keputusan muktamad ini Maknjang dah buat, Maknjang tengok, setiap hari ada saja kesalahan Maknjang yang diungkitkan. Some of it memang lah salah Maknjang pon but some of it bukan salah sesiapapon. Kadang-kadang benda yang betul pon, kalau kita nak bagi dia nampak salah, memang akan jadi salah. Apa-apa pon Maknjang terima saja. Tapi jangan kata hati Maknjang tak sakit. Sakit chek oi!, tapi redho dan telan sajalah. Apa nak buat lagi, Maknjang ni jenis type yang tak suka nak melawan-lawan, bertegang urat. Kalau dah kata decision Maknjang 2 tahun lepas tu tak betul, Maknjang akur. Tak kuasa Maknjang nak bertekak ka apa ka. I am simply not that type.
Sebenarnya, kalau kita nak cari salah seseorang tu memang senang. Cuma kita kena weigh la kan, salah dengan betoi tu, amacam? Tapi nampak gayanya, Maknjang ni tak pernah buat kerja betoi langsung lah. Tak pa lah Maknjang. Maknjang pon dah nak berhenti.
Nak cari salah Maknjang memang senang, ini memang Maknjang akui. Sebab apa tau, sebab Maknjang dulu buat macam-macam kerja. Maknjang ni pula, manusia biasa saja, flawless I am not, banyak kelemahan Maknjang ni. Bila dah banyak sangat buat, maka banyak lah buat salah. Tapi dalam banyak-banyak tu kan, takkan lah tak ada yang betoi langsung kot. Entahlah... tak dak la kot.
Maknjang rasa macam Maknjang ni tak sampai 30 Jun saja ni, macam anytime saja will be asked to leave. Nampak gaya macam dah cannot stand the sight of me. Apa pon decision, Maknjang terima. Kalau decide suruh Maknjang berhenti dari persatuan ni, lagilah Maknjang terima.
Maknjang tengah risau ni, Maknjang baru dapat berita, Mami masuk hospital lagi. Hai, Mami, get well soonest please. Maknjang nak handover semua kerja Maknjang ni cepat-cepat. Maknjang kesian jugak kat Mami.. tapi what to do, ayam makan itik sudu Mami oi!
Maknjang amat bersyukur pada Allah subhanahuwataala kerana telah mengilhamkan Maknjang untuk buat keputusan ini. Maknjang amat yakin ini adalah tindakan yang benar dan yang patut Maknjang buat 3 years ago when I knew then that what I did was not right, berdosa in fact. Ampunkanla segala dosa-dosa Maknjang, Ya Allah. Peliharalah Maknjang dan keluarga Maknjang Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahiim. Permudahkanlah segala urusan dunia dan akhirat Maknjang Ya Allah, wahai Tuhan yang Maha Menentukan. Murahkanlah rezeki yang halal lagi baik buat Maknjang wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang.
Wallahu'alam.
Actually Maknjang do not want to talk about it anymore. I have made up my mind, so I figured, I will just move on. Let it be.
Akan tetapi, setiap hari, ada sahaja sesuatu yang berlaku yang akan menyebabkan Maknjang berasa amat bersyukur yang Maknjang telah membuat keputusan untuk berhenti ni. Macam-macam tohmahan dan tuduhan dibuat pada Maknjang, tapi Maknjang okay saja, biasalah, asam garam kehidupan. Biasa pon manusia memang macam tu, bila kita suka seseorang kan, kita tak akan nampak kelemahan dia kan, sebab suka kita pada dia akan membuatkan kita tidak apa dengan segala kelemahan-kelemahan tersebut. Sebab dah suka kan. Bila kita mula tak suka pada seseorang, apa tah lagi bila kita membenci, segala kebaikan orang itu kita tak nampak dah, yang kita nampak cuma kelemahan dia saja. Macam tu keadaan Maknjang sekarang ni.
Sejak keputusan muktamad ini Maknjang dah buat, Maknjang tengok, setiap hari ada saja kesalahan Maknjang yang diungkitkan. Some of it memang lah salah Maknjang pon but some of it bukan salah sesiapapon. Kadang-kadang benda yang betul pon, kalau kita nak bagi dia nampak salah, memang akan jadi salah. Apa-apa pon Maknjang terima saja. Tapi jangan kata hati Maknjang tak sakit. Sakit chek oi!, tapi redho dan telan sajalah. Apa nak buat lagi, Maknjang ni jenis type yang tak suka nak melawan-lawan, bertegang urat. Kalau dah kata decision Maknjang 2 tahun lepas tu tak betul, Maknjang akur. Tak kuasa Maknjang nak bertekak ka apa ka. I am simply not that type.
Sebenarnya, kalau kita nak cari salah seseorang tu memang senang. Cuma kita kena weigh la kan, salah dengan betoi tu, amacam? Tapi nampak gayanya, Maknjang ni tak pernah buat kerja betoi langsung lah. Tak pa lah Maknjang. Maknjang pon dah nak berhenti.
Nak cari salah Maknjang memang senang, ini memang Maknjang akui. Sebab apa tau, sebab Maknjang dulu buat macam-macam kerja. Maknjang ni pula, manusia biasa saja, flawless I am not, banyak kelemahan Maknjang ni. Bila dah banyak sangat buat, maka banyak lah buat salah. Tapi dalam banyak-banyak tu kan, takkan lah tak ada yang betoi langsung kot. Entahlah... tak dak la kot.
Maknjang rasa macam Maknjang ni tak sampai 30 Jun saja ni, macam anytime saja will be asked to leave. Nampak gaya macam dah cannot stand the sight of me. Apa pon decision, Maknjang terima. Kalau decide suruh Maknjang berhenti dari persatuan ni, lagilah Maknjang terima.
Maknjang tengah risau ni, Maknjang baru dapat berita, Mami masuk hospital lagi. Hai, Mami, get well soonest please. Maknjang nak handover semua kerja Maknjang ni cepat-cepat. Maknjang kesian jugak kat Mami.. tapi what to do, ayam makan itik sudu Mami oi!
Maknjang amat bersyukur pada Allah subhanahuwataala kerana telah mengilhamkan Maknjang untuk buat keputusan ini. Maknjang amat yakin ini adalah tindakan yang benar dan yang patut Maknjang buat 3 years ago when I knew then that what I did was not right, berdosa in fact. Ampunkanla segala dosa-dosa Maknjang, Ya Allah. Peliharalah Maknjang dan keluarga Maknjang Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahiim. Permudahkanlah segala urusan dunia dan akhirat Maknjang Ya Allah, wahai Tuhan yang Maha Menentukan. Murahkanlah rezeki yang halal lagi baik buat Maknjang wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang.
Wallahu'alam.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Now if anyone asks, not that they would..
I will be down in Mississippi, up to no good...
NOT!
However, I will be down in AS, doing some good, insyaAllah.
How difficult is it? Must be very hard. But I know you can do it... just start slow and we will eventually get to it.
Or perhaps you just do not care much? Maybe so..
Well, life must go on.
Tuesday is here once again.. haih!
NOT!
However, I will be down in AS, doing some good, insyaAllah.
How difficult is it? Must be very hard. But I know you can do it... just start slow and we will eventually get to it.
Or perhaps you just do not care much? Maybe so..
Well, life must go on.
Tuesday is here once again.. haih!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
If you blog, you have to at least once, blog about the facebook, right or not?
All I want to say on this subject is that Do You Facebook while Working OR Do you Work while Facebooking?
Good night!
All I want to say on this subject is that Do You Facebook while Working OR Do you Work while Facebooking?
Good night!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Selasa datang lagi
Hari ini, Maknjang berasa ingin berbahasa ibunda pula. Bahasa jiwa bangsa.
Beberapa minggu yang lepas, Maknjang terjumpa sekeping kertas didalam bilik anak saudara Maknjang yang sangat manja dengan Maknjang itu. Kertas itu adalah kerja sekolah dia, dia berusia 9 tahun 3 bulan dan berada didalam Tahun 4. Keciwa bila Maknjang melihat gred yang dia dapat untuk kerja sekolah tersebut. Dia diminta membuat profil diri. Hasil kerjanya Maknjang kagumi dan dia memenuhi semua yang perlu diletakkan di Profil Diri, iaitu nama, nama ibubapa, cita-cita, harapan dan lain-lain. Gambar passport turut diletakkan, bukan ditampal seperti zaman Maknjang dulu tetapi yang dicetak dari komputer. Malah semua keseluruhan Profil itu dibuat menggunakan komputer. Cikgu memberi Gred B untuk kerja tersebut. Maknjang terfikir, kalau sebegini hasilnya digredkan B, untuk mendapat A, tentulah Profil diri itu seperti sebuah resume untuk memohon pekerjaan?
Kemudian Maknjang terfikir, adakah gred B ini disebabkan oleh cita-cita Ayis? Ayis meletakkan cita-citanya sebagai Askar. Jika Maknjang tidak mengenali Ayis, Maknjang tentu akan berprasangka yang Ayis ini tidak begitu bercita-cita tinggi, ataupun masih berfikir seperti anak-anak kecil yang hanya berminat kepada sebarang profession beruniform. Adakah ini sebenarnya punca dia diberi B? Entahlah.
Jadi apakah cita-cita Ayis yang sebenarnya? Weaponologist, betulkah istilah ini? Secara dasarnya, Ayis yang amat meminati senjata api, Askar yang dimaksudkan itu adalah menjadi seorang pakar senjata.
Semasa berusia seperti Ayis, Maknjang tidak mempunyai sebarang minat mendalam terhadap apa-apa. Yang Maknjang tahu semasa itu adalah main, main di bendang, main kombat.. senapang jugak tu, tapi sekadar senapang kayu, bukan senapang NERF seperti Ayis. Kanak-kanak sekarang tidak lagi seperti Maknjang dulu kan. Mereka terdedah kepada internet dan saluran TV yang pelbagai. Maknjang dulu nak menonton TV pon kena catu sebab menggunakan beteri, internet, apa itu? Perkataan komputer pon belum pernah dengar. Jadi rancangan-rancangan yang ditonton terhad kepada rancangan hiburan semata-mata. Ayis pulak begitu meminati saluran-saluran yang educational seperti Discovery, Discovery Science, National Geography dan History. Memang berbeza kanak-kanak zaman sekarang dengan zaman Maknjang dulu. Lain sungguh.
Itu sajalah Maknjang nak meraban hari ini. Mungkin Selasa depan Maknjang meraban cerita hindustan pulak.
Beberapa minggu yang lepas, Maknjang terjumpa sekeping kertas didalam bilik anak saudara Maknjang yang sangat manja dengan Maknjang itu. Kertas itu adalah kerja sekolah dia, dia berusia 9 tahun 3 bulan dan berada didalam Tahun 4. Keciwa bila Maknjang melihat gred yang dia dapat untuk kerja sekolah tersebut. Dia diminta membuat profil diri. Hasil kerjanya Maknjang kagumi dan dia memenuhi semua yang perlu diletakkan di Profil Diri, iaitu nama, nama ibubapa, cita-cita, harapan dan lain-lain. Gambar passport turut diletakkan, bukan ditampal seperti zaman Maknjang dulu tetapi yang dicetak dari komputer. Malah semua keseluruhan Profil itu dibuat menggunakan komputer. Cikgu memberi Gred B untuk kerja tersebut. Maknjang terfikir, kalau sebegini hasilnya digredkan B, untuk mendapat A, tentulah Profil diri itu seperti sebuah resume untuk memohon pekerjaan?
Kemudian Maknjang terfikir, adakah gred B ini disebabkan oleh cita-cita Ayis? Ayis meletakkan cita-citanya sebagai Askar. Jika Maknjang tidak mengenali Ayis, Maknjang tentu akan berprasangka yang Ayis ini tidak begitu bercita-cita tinggi, ataupun masih berfikir seperti anak-anak kecil yang hanya berminat kepada sebarang profession beruniform. Adakah ini sebenarnya punca dia diberi B? Entahlah.
Jadi apakah cita-cita Ayis yang sebenarnya? Weaponologist, betulkah istilah ini? Secara dasarnya, Ayis yang amat meminati senjata api, Askar yang dimaksudkan itu adalah menjadi seorang pakar senjata.
Semasa berusia seperti Ayis, Maknjang tidak mempunyai sebarang minat mendalam terhadap apa-apa. Yang Maknjang tahu semasa itu adalah main, main di bendang, main kombat.. senapang jugak tu, tapi sekadar senapang kayu, bukan senapang NERF seperti Ayis. Kanak-kanak sekarang tidak lagi seperti Maknjang dulu kan. Mereka terdedah kepada internet dan saluran TV yang pelbagai. Maknjang dulu nak menonton TV pon kena catu sebab menggunakan beteri, internet, apa itu? Perkataan komputer pon belum pernah dengar. Jadi rancangan-rancangan yang ditonton terhad kepada rancangan hiburan semata-mata. Ayis pulak begitu meminati saluran-saluran yang educational seperti Discovery, Discovery Science, National Geography dan History. Memang berbeza kanak-kanak zaman sekarang dengan zaman Maknjang dulu. Lain sungguh.
Itu sajalah Maknjang nak meraban hari ini. Mungkin Selasa depan Maknjang meraban cerita hindustan pulak.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Inaugural Post
It's now official.
I am abandoning the other blog.
We will see where this will lead to.
Ta for now... got to go make a living... :(
I am abandoning the other blog.
We will see where this will lead to.
Ta for now... got to go make a living... :(
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