To be honest, I am not sure where I am heading with this post. Something is bugging me since my conversation with my uni mate the other day. Not bugging me in a bad way, it just bugs me, that's all and keeps me thinking of my present employmentless status.
E came to the kenduri Mak threw to commemorate my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. She kept asking me what I want to do (for the rest of my life, workwise). When I said I don't know - true, I actually don't know what I want to do right now - she kept saying that I cannot be unemployed, I have to find a job or I will lose my identity. Although I disagreed with her, I did not say anything. She continued on and on of inferiority, waste of talent etc. At one point she even asked me whether I felt that I have wasted my time in my previous employment, i.e. working in a small company unrecognised company, you know the drift. My conclusion is that she thinks that my 15++ years was a waste of time. On a lot of counts, my opinion differed (for the record, I did not 100% diagree, okay) but I did not say anything as I do not want to discuss the topic any longer than we should.
Now, is it true that we are defined by what we do. I would hope that I am not. I would hope that I am more than that. I would hope that I am defined by the person that I have become. If I am what I do, then I would be nothing now, would I not? Would I have to feel inferior now that I am not employed. Do I have to feel ashamed?. I should hope not, for at the moment I am neither inferior nor ashamed. But it has only been 3 months, and I am still occupied with my part-time "suka-takrela-wan" assignments. Will what she said be true as time goes by?. I sure hope not. I actually love the state that I am in right now. Being my own boss, so called. (but then, if I am my own Boss, I can't afford to pay me, how?).
As for wasting my time, the thought has entered my mind, a long time ago but I have resolved that. In the last 15++ years, I have helped someone set up his business, created employments, trained staffs and trainees. I learned a lot, about work, about life. Lasting friendships were born there too. Were all that a waste of time?
I figured, while I still continue doing the part-time job (which is occupying my time, full time), I can slowly (insyaAllah, but surely) find something else to do that will generate a constant income stream. I am keeping my options wide open. I am not actively looking for a full time employment, but I will not turn away from any opportunity that might comes-a-knocking. At my age, I should not be thinking too much of the worldly things, at least not of this world. I should worry more of the other world. The years I have left in this world is lesser than the years I have lived, I think. Alhamdulillah, I have all that I need, and all I need now is to maintain what I have and put food on the table and I wish I can add to it Umrah or holiday trip once in while.
Although money is not everything, dalam dunia materi sekarang, everything needs money. I pray to Allah that I find ways to make money before I ran out of money.
I do not want to be poor kerana kemiskinan boleh membawa kepada kekufuran.
I do not want to be rich either kerana kekayaan boleh melalaikan kita dari mengingati Allah swt.
Yang saya inginkan Ya Allah, adalah kehidupan yang senang dan tenang. Yang kudambakan adalah maghfirahMu. Yang ku cari adalah redhoMu. Amiin Ya Robb.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Must Have Done Something Right
Suddenly I felt like writing.
This morning did not start off well. I arranged for a meeting this morning to discuss preparation for the big meeting end of this year. Mind you, this is not my responsibility as I am not the Secretary, but as usual I like to play busy body. Informed all concerned, four days ago. I just would like to see at least one big meeting held, prepared properly and not invite anymore critics. On the way to the ASSociation, I received an sms from Mr Secretary that he is not available to attend the meeting... what the _*&^!, I arranged this meeting in order to assist him and he did not even bother to grace us with his presence and choose to inform us at 9am for a 10am meeting!! Arrrgghhh!!!! never mind, we still continue with the meeting and resolved a lot of issues. At least, tasks are assigned, formats are drafted, deadlines are set, dates are proposed.
Well, anyway, that was not what I wanted to write about.
Three months into my semi retirement does not feel like a retirement at all! I felt like I am still working as hard. But one thing has definitely changed, my shoulders are so light, now that the heavy burdened has been lifted and the head has more time to think of things other than the work. I do not have that heavy feeling at the end of the day like I used to, you know the feeling of calling it a day with a lot of things left unfinished. Phew!!! gone are the days. And since he is no longer my boss, my blood , my jantung and my hati do not run berserk everytime I have to face him or see his face. Phew!!! another kelegaan.
Although there is no formal contract with the company, they still pay me monthly allowance, albeit just a token sum which I do not mind at all, because I cannot resign as the Co Sec since nobody is qualified to take over. (But I strongly suspected that this allowance has a lot more to do with my position in the ASS, by trying to keep me unemployed as long as possible will make me more available at the ASS). I also help out whenever my assistance is required. Its funny though. Most of the areas where my help is needed were the areas that I was harshly criticised about when I was in their employ. Sometimes I just felt like laughing my head off.
He is now campaigning for another term with the Ass. and he wants me to run too, for the same office. I do not want to to so, for what?. What do I get in return other than headaches, penat, sakit hati, kena kutuk? Why should I want to go through another two years of that? But everytime I told him of my decision, he will kona here and there and say that he has no one else who is capable and can be trusted to hold my office. I am not going to say anything anymore on the subject, I will just keep quite. When the time comes, I will just not sign the nomination letter. That's the plan. Dulu kata my wibawa ni senang for people to take advantage of, dia la yang duk take advantage. Now he said, I have a wibawa yang baik pulak. Confused tau maknjang ni. I already pesan kat Datin Mami, if tetiba I agreed to run for the election tolong lah bawak maknjang pi berubat, I am sure ada short somewhere.
That's all for now.!!!!
This morning did not start off well. I arranged for a meeting this morning to discuss preparation for the big meeting end of this year. Mind you, this is not my responsibility as I am not the Secretary, but as usual I like to play busy body. Informed all concerned, four days ago. I just would like to see at least one big meeting held, prepared properly and not invite anymore critics. On the way to the ASSociation, I received an sms from Mr Secretary that he is not available to attend the meeting... what the _*&^!, I arranged this meeting in order to assist him and he did not even bother to grace us with his presence and choose to inform us at 9am for a 10am meeting!! Arrrgghhh!!!! never mind, we still continue with the meeting and resolved a lot of issues. At least, tasks are assigned, formats are drafted, deadlines are set, dates are proposed.
Well, anyway, that was not what I wanted to write about.
Three months into my semi retirement does not feel like a retirement at all! I felt like I am still working as hard. But one thing has definitely changed, my shoulders are so light, now that the heavy burdened has been lifted and the head has more time to think of things other than the work. I do not have that heavy feeling at the end of the day like I used to, you know the feeling of calling it a day with a lot of things left unfinished. Phew!!! gone are the days. And since he is no longer my boss, my blood , my jantung and my hati do not run berserk everytime I have to face him or see his face. Phew!!! another kelegaan.
Although there is no formal contract with the company, they still pay me monthly allowance, albeit just a token sum which I do not mind at all, because I cannot resign as the Co Sec since nobody is qualified to take over. (But I strongly suspected that this allowance has a lot more to do with my position in the ASS, by trying to keep me unemployed as long as possible will make me more available at the ASS). I also help out whenever my assistance is required. Its funny though. Most of the areas where my help is needed were the areas that I was harshly criticised about when I was in their employ. Sometimes I just felt like laughing my head off.
He is now campaigning for another term with the Ass. and he wants me to run too, for the same office. I do not want to to so, for what?. What do I get in return other than headaches, penat, sakit hati, kena kutuk? Why should I want to go through another two years of that? But everytime I told him of my decision, he will kona here and there and say that he has no one else who is capable and can be trusted to hold my office. I am not going to say anything anymore on the subject, I will just keep quite. When the time comes, I will just not sign the nomination letter. That's the plan. Dulu kata my wibawa ni senang for people to take advantage of, dia la yang duk take advantage. Now he said, I have a wibawa yang baik pulak. Confused tau maknjang ni. I already pesan kat Datin Mami, if tetiba I agreed to run for the election tolong lah bawak maknjang pi berubat, I am sure ada short somewhere.
That's all for now.!!!!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
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