A New Leaf

Today is the 2nd day of turning 44 and also the 2nd day of a new leaf.

With no solid plan of what to do with the rest of my life, I am feeling quite good nevertheless. Not sure yet how I will feel in the next 4 or 5 months ahead when the money depleted. Let's not cross that bridge.. not until I reach there.

I was home for 5 days. I was full of enthusiasm, full of gusto when I started my journey home, I planned in my head and imagine myself cleaning my room, rearranging the furniture, organising this and that and get to sit down and do some paperwork. But when I got home, all my semangat went out of the window. The house was in a total mess! I do not know where to begin. I wanted to start with my bedroom then I realised that I do not have a wardrobe, so where do I put all my clothes. Boxes are everywhere. Furniture are haphazardly placed. Sigh! In my room, the only empty space was on the bed, only one side of it, reserved for me to sleep on, I supposed. And then I got the flu, so that's it. I have no energy to do anything and just let things be the way they are and left for KL yesterday. I even brought with me my dirty clothes for Rohaya to clean because I do not have the semangat to even do laundry.

I called Murni, the cleaner lady that we normally employ to help clean the house but she was not free. I have arranged for her to come to the house when I go home in a couple of weeks. But I have a dilemma. How do I do this without hurting my parents' feeling. My parents are borderline hoarders. They never throw things away. So, we have furniture that dated way back when and some has lost not only its shine or colour but also its shape. They keep all broken electrical appliances. There's 2 broken washing machines, 2 broken TVs, old radios, stand fan, table fan, name it, we have it somewhere in the house.

I want to throw away or giveaway things that we no longer need. I have to put my feet down and do this once and for all. Otherwise I do not think I will be able to live in that house without feeling rimas. I am not the cleanest or the tidiest person on earth, I am not but I just can't stand living in the house the way it is right now. I just can't.

Not that the house is bad just like it is, the younger brother pulak is using the living room as his workshop. Adoi, sungguh sakit mata ini melihatnya.

The dilemma is worst when the house is mine. If I were to be so MEM SAHAB-ly, I am afraid that they think, mentang-mentang lah ni rumah dia, and make some people and even worst if my parents feel uneasy. I just close one eye everytime I went home before this because I was just home for a few days. Let's not stir anything up, that has been my motto. But this time, I am going to stay there, insyaAllah for good. I just cannot live like that. I have to do something about it and lay down a few laws to the inhabitants, my parents excluded. As far as I am concerned, Mak and Abah can do as they please, as long as they are happy, but the rest of the people in the house has better get their act together. Mem Sahab is in the house!

Back to the new leaf, although I have no solid plan on how to earn money at least for the next 6 years, I am feeling good inside. I have this strange feeling that something good is on the horizon for me. I pray to Allah swt to guide me to the right path and shower me with His rahmat, hidayah and rezeki.

This afternoon at lunch, I told Zurin that Che Me'e is working in NZ. Suddenly she just said, lets do that Maknjang, lets just go to NZ, look for a job and stay there. If we are not happy, we come back. That's a thought....... to ponder?