He was 48

when he took his last breath on 4th of July 2010. He would have been 49 had he lived to see his next birthday on 21 December 2010. He was my eldest brother, Azman. His death was sudden but not unexpected.

This morning when I woke up, I was trying to remember, when was the last time I spoke to him. The last time I saw him alive was on Thursday 1 July 2010. But I cannot remember when was the last time I talked to him. He came over to 410 the day I got home and asked me something about work and I cannot remember what I replied. I said a lot of bad and hurtful things to him sometime in March this year. Now I cannot remember whether I have asked for his forgiveness. When was the last time I salam-ed him?. No use for regrets now.

My eldest brother was not the smartest guy on the planet. He made some bad choices. He succumbed to temptations as did many of his friends. To succumb to the temptation was the easy way out. Despite all the wrongs that he had done, my eldest brother has the kindest of heart. He never made enemies with anyone. He was liked by everyone. Very helpful to others and very respectful to the elders. His life was hard, that is what he had to pay for, for all the wrong things he did. In the last 5 years or more, he was inflicted with all kind of sickness. He was diabetic and suffer from all kind of other illness due to diabetes, had renal failure and the latest was a tumour, not in the brain but on the skull at the back of his head (I may got this wrong). He was in a lot of pain but tried hard not to make life difficult to others.

He died before he became a burden. He died knowing that abah and mak had forgave him. He got his wish to be buried in SB because he wanted to be close to my grandparents and other family members. We were quite surprised to find out that his final resting place, was next to my paternal grandfather. They were very close. My brother was his favourite.

I have to remember to make duas for him, always. May Allah swt accept his taubat. May all his sickness, his pain, his sufferings be the kafarrah for all his sins. May Allah swt put him together with the solihins.

People remarked that his funeral were like a YB's. The minute the news of his death were out, both the opposition UMNO and PAS members came to set up tents outside no 7. The streams of visitors were overwhelming. Family, friends and neighbours old and new all came to pay their last respect. He death was easy and so was the whole funeral preparation. Alhamdulillah.

When and how will ours be?