To keep sanity intact, I have to do this. No one understand what I am so mad about. No one.
If you have sacrificed so much, jimat cermat, kerja like mad in order for you to save for something which you know will be for the benefit of a lot of people you love, and you bought it and you were so happy your dream came true and suddenly you realised, you sayang lahkan benda yang you dah beli tu, but the people who benefited from it just took it for granted. Sikit pon tak sayang. Sikit pon tak hormat. Sikit pon tak appreciate.
Just for instance, you were earning only so much and half of your income you gave to your parent for the car and makan minum, utilities etc etc. You never questioned how the money were spent. And you are not about to question now. Like I said, you were only earning so much, half of it were given to your father, the other half were used to pay for your house rent, your own utilities expenses etc. You hardly spend on yourself, save for a few makan2 luar occasions and tengok2 wayang. You spend most of your half of the money to pay for the rent, study loan, electricity and water and on your younger siblings, nephews and nieces.
And then the family grew, when balik kampung you realised the house were just too small so you started thinking of buying a bigger house. A corner lot house became available and you bought it. You just added a housing loan repayment to you small income. By then you have had some increment in your pay and you had almost fully paid the study loan. So you were fine. But the house you bought were not liveable, the condition were just too bad, so you started thinking of renovating it. You started saving and tighten your own belt, living other people depending on you unaffected at all. Nobody knew how you managed you money and nobody cared. If someone want a new shoes, you bought it, new baju, baju raya, whatever, you continue to provide. Like I said, no one was affected by your decision to jimat cermat, only you. Because you do not want to worry them about money issues, you continue to give and give and give and you ended up with a very huge credit card bills. Once in a while you received a bonus, and you use that bonus to settle all the credit card debts. Rezeki Allah has it, you received a huge bonus one year and your savings have accumulated, so you started the renovation project. RM80k was budgetted, that's how much you have, but they wanted to add this and that and you akur because you just do not have the heart to say no, the total cost accumulated to RM150k. So you had a few months of sleepless nights trying to figure out how to come up with the difference, you have already exhausted you RM30k credit limit on your credit cards. Nobody knew about this. So you tebalkan your face and faced your boss. No, not to ask for a loan but to ask him to guarantee you on a loan, he agreed and you malu sampai berbulan bulan because he is the kind of person who will ungkit,"make sure you pay on time.. bla bla bla..." You have just added another RM1,700 commitment to your already almost committed income. And your own belt get tightened further. And you also have the credit card bills to see to. You live on money worry for a very very long time. No one knew and no one cared. As long as they continue to get things they wanted and needed.
Pendek cerita the house was completed although not up to the standard you expected for the amount of money you paid. Bumbung bocor and still cannot be fixed until now. But did anyone care? No! They continue to stay in that condition until the ceiling all rosak. When you balik and you cannot stand it anymore, and when you have money, you give money and asked the bumbung to be fixed. They said they did, tapi still bocor.
The house was like a rubbish dump. Everyone used the house as a dumping ground. Apa tak mau, semua sent to the house. And being hoarders, nothing can be thrown way. Your eyes were sore everytime you balik kampung but you did not say anything, you just screamed to the nephews and brothers a few times but fell on deaf ears. They never clean the house so you have to pay for cleaners to clean up their mess. You have to do it, because you just tak tahan. You have your own room but when you are not around, they dumped everything in it and they just use your toilet as they pleased. Not bothered to throw used pampers, not bothered to clean it up. You just do not understand how these people can live like this. You cannot fathom how you can be related to them!!!
You just guess because its not their hard work that went into the house and the things in it, sampai bila pon they will never appreciate it. So your heart ache, and it will continue to ache.
So now, you are wondering, how can you adapt to this situation. How can you live in a condition like this. You just cannot be screaming everyday, you will just continue to hurt your parents feeling. Its not good for the blood pressure too.
Dang! its only my first week home!!!!!
