Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Hipocrisy vs Untrustworthiness

hy·poc·ri·sy (noun)

  • a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess.
  • a pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude.
  • an act or instance of hypocrisy.

untrustworthiness (noun)

the trait of not deserving trust or confidence [ant: trustiness]


Well, hello 2011. Here's hoping that this will be a much better year than the previous ones.

I just found out about certain things being said behind my back which are untrue and vicious that it has dampened my spirit. I did not hear it from a third person, I got it right from it source thus they were the solid truth of what they thought about me. Well, I am not one that is usually bothered much with other people's opinion on me as they are just that, opinions. I know who I am. Why am I bothered so this time?

Whatever I did all these while FOR them were sincere, pure. I thought I was helping since no one else can do what I can, at the moment, and I do not have much to do right now. I have NO other agenda. My intentions were good and I was helping Mami coping. Why questions my motives? Were you not the one who asked for my help?.

She approached me not me, her and I was not just teaching her alone. And why would I want to use her to get close to your family. Using her? Using her? Ya Allah, manusia jenis apa do you think I am who would use the Holy AlQuran as a tool to get close to your family? Apa best sangat ka family hampa tu? Owh please! Because you have money and I don't? I did not know I was so hard-up for your money? Now kan dah hilang pahala ajar mengaji???? haih!

Why not just block my access, what is stopping you?. I seldom read anyway and when I do, I only look at the topics that will help me, help you do the forecast. Stop my access, I don't care, but please don't call me untrustworthy and accuse me of giving my access to other people. Best sangat ka forum hampa tu sampai ex-staff semua teringin nak baca. They were not reading the forum, I had to force them when they were in your employ, why would they want to read now as if they do not have better things to do? People have move on to bigger and better things. Leave them be. Move on. BTW you have ways to check my access, its frequency and what I read. Check before you make you speculations and accusations, boleh??!!!

Now, who is the insincere one? You keep on telling me, if I do work and when I travel, I can claim. And all my claims and my allowances were approved by you. Why not just say that you disagreed or disapproved them in front of me? Why questions them now behind my back? My conscience is clear. Why is yours not?

Your holier than thou, I am better than you attitude are just that, an attitude, is it not?. A Hypocrite?

When 2010 were ending and 2011 were looming, I said to myself, no resolution is necessary, just try to be a better person. Now 18 days into the new decade, I promised myself that I will not just try to be a better person. I MUST be a better person, a better hamba Allah, a better daughter, a better sister, a better maknjang, a better friend and be A LOT better person than those lot. I will not try to prove anything to anybody, I will just be me. I will not be bothered by them anymore. I know what they think of me. I know what I know, I know my intentions,
Allah swt knows and lets leave it at that. And in the end Truth will prevail.

Happy New Year everybody.